(Originally published in the weekly of True Life Bible-Presbyterian Church Vol. XIII No. 50)

Text: Genesis 24:1-27

Looking for a spouse is something that comes naturally to us when we come of age. You want to settle down, have a family one day. I am going to answer three questions concerning looking for a spouse: Why, where and how to look for a spouse?


We look for a spouse because it is God’s will. In the case of Abraham, it was God’s will that Isaac get married. God told Abraham that his seed (children) would inherit the land He had given him. Isaac thus needed to get married so as to produce a godly seed (Genesis 24:7). This applies to us as well. Establishing a Christian family is in God’s will. A godly family can be used by God to fulfil the Great Commission by their good testimony.

We look for a spouse for the sake of companionship. No man is an island. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, both get married. It is something beautiful. God made it this way.


In the case of Abraham, he told his servant to get a wife for Isaac from out of his own people (Genesis 24:4). The servant was specifically warned not to take a wife for Isaac from out of the Canaanites who were idolaters. The principle taught here is clear: God’s people must marry only those who have the same faith. Marry only within the Christian community. Marry only a believer. Reason: “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” (Deuteronomy 7:4). Paul says clearly, marry “only in the Lord” (i.e., a believer) (1 Corinthians 7:39).

Where to look for a believer? Of course the first place is in your own church. Where did I find my wife? I found her in Bible College. That is the best because both of us are in the full-time ministry. We have the same calling and desire to serve God for the rest of our lives. We were compatible. How about other churches? Yes, but make sure they are B-P churches or at least Bible-believing and Bible-defending churches. There are many false and worldly churches today, and those inside may be believers only in name. So be careful. Make sure the person you intend to marry is truly born again. I know of a young man who married a girl who said she was a Christian. He did not check what she meant when she said that. Actually she also said that she was a Hindu. In one year, they were separated. The girl made use of him to finish school, and then left him. Make sure you marry a Christian.


Very carefully. To decide whom you want as a spouse is an important decision. Do not decide on your own. Firstly go to the Lord in prayer (Genesis 24:12). Don’t forget to pray. The Lord is the divine Matchmaker. He is very interested in your marriage. He will lead you to the right person. Secondly, seek the advice of your parents. If you fancy a guy or a girl, ask your parents for their opinion about him or her. Many a disastrous marriage could have been avoided only if parental wisdom is heeded. Parents who have graduated from the university of life can often see things we do not see. Did I go to my parents for advice? Yes. I went to my mom. “What do you think of her?” She would usually say, “You better think carefully.” “Think carefully.” Yes, love involves not only the heart but the mind. If it is only the heart – it is infatuation. But if it involves the mind the will, it is solid – it is love. Today the movies have painted a warped picture about what love is. Love is physical attraction; it is all soft and mushy. Make sure your love is not about marshmallows but muscle.

Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and ob-taineth favour of the LORD.” It is a most blessed thing if you can find a wife who is a fervent Christian, who is able to bring out the best in you in serving God and glorifying His name, who will be a sacrificial mother to her children, and willingly submits to the authority of the man who is the head of the house (Titus 2:4-5). Yes, the word is “submit” (or “obey”). Note that the wives are to be “keepers at home” – a very important and noble work. Being a wife and mother is a full-time vocation (and not occupation) – it is a calling. If you are not prepared to be a full-time home-maker and mother to your little children, then marriage may not be right for you. Remain single, and pursue your career.

Proverbs 18:22 applies to the sisters as well, “Whoso findeth a husband findeth a good thing …” It is a most blessed thing if you can find a husband who is a strong believer, who will love you fully and unconditionally as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her, who will provide for your needs and give you security, and dutifully takes responsibility to be the spiritual leader of the home. But if you find a husband who doesn’t spend time with the family, who goes to late night parties with friends, who flirts with other women, who returns home drunk, who gambles his money away and does not provide for the family, that is hell on earth isn’t it? Make sure you marry a godly man.

Rev (Dr) Jeffrey Khoo